ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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