I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just had sex on a roof
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
