What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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