He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
