I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
