3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Michael Bay diarrhea
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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