god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
