There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
