She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
