my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
