Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
