I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
