I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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