well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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