Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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