Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
