she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
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Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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