dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
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Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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