Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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