You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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