so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
