Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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