Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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