so that wasnt chicken after all
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
