"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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