the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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