This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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