I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
