Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
