Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
