college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
