I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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