She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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