My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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