i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it because I queefed?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i need some magic done to my vagina
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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