Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
