i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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