one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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