??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
