I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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