My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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