Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
