I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
