Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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