I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
