holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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