Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
God, you're like boner-b-gone
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
