He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
