Plan B is the new Plan A
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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