I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
COCAINE IS GR8
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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