I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
