you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
