Porn is love you can see.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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