omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
