is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
