i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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