He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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