One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i think i just lost a toe
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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