So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We smell like vodka and hangover
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