We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
