I want to walk on stilts...naked
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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