I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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