i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
