In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
