Your mouth is God's brothel.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
