Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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