even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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