I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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