she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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