i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
