made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Boobs speak an international language.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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