Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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