She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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