Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
